Library Aristocrats!

In celebration of the upcoming Banned Books Week, you're invited to submit your own version of The Aristocrats joke. We came up with this idea because we just saw the movie for about the fifth time, and some bibliobloggers recently talked about applying the "yes, and" technique from improv performance to library management. (Plus, the guy in the ALA posters looks like he could be in an act called The Aristocrats.)

So, improv away by posting your version of "The Aristocrats" as a comment below. Your joke must be library-related, and preferably have something to do with Banned Books Week. (We'll review it before it goes online, so don't expect to see it immediately.)

Here's our version:

This youth services librarian walks into her director's office and says, "I've got this great idea for a program during Banned Books Week. It's a family program. It starts with this giant, inflatable Mother Goose up on the stage. A family -- mom, dad, son, and daughter -- come tumbling naked out of Mother Goose's vagina. Ta-da! They take a bow. The daughter picks up a copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and ties it to her father's scrotum while giving him a blowjob. Meanwhile, the mother is spanking her son loudly and repeatedly with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in one hand and a Judy Blume novel in the other. Whack! Whack! Whack! She keeps spanking him until his asscheeks are red and he starts screaming, "Heather Has Two Mommies! Heather Has Two Mommies!" over and over. Dad pulls out of his daughter's mouth and comes on his wife's tit's -- which, incidentally, are tattooed with the titles of all of ALA's most-challenged books from the last 15 years. The whole family shits on a copy of the Constitution. I'm sure you see the symbolism. Ta-da! They take a bow, and crawl back into Mother Goose's cunt. The audience has punch and cookies. Can we do it?"

The library director says, "Yes, and we should also give bendy toys to all the kids. What's this program called?"

"The Aristocrats!"