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 NEW! The
Zen Librarian said to a patron: "If you bring back this
book after its due date, you will be fined. If you do not
bring back the book after its due date, you will be
fined." The patron was instantly enlightened.
 (Above koan
submitted by Horst Prillinger, Vienna, Austria)
NEW! The
young patron approached the Zen Librarian at the Reference
Desk. "I think I have figured out what the call number
is for Alan Watts' The Way of Zen!" "Well,
what is it?" asked the Zen Librarian. "294.32,"
replied the young patron. "No!" answered the Zen
Librarian emphatically, returning his attention to the
computer monitor. "What is the call number, then?"
asked the young patron. "294.32," replied the
Zen Librarian. After the young patron went away, the Zen
Librarian elaborated, "But this is an LC library."
(Above koan
submitted by Curt Allred, Michigan, USA)
NEW! A female patron
approached the Zen Librarian. The Zen Librarian asked,
"What are you looking for?"
The woman shouted.
"Come on speak!" said the Zen Librarian.
The woman shouted again.
The Zen Librarian struck her.
(Above koan
submitted by Jason Lovett)
Noticing a patron smoking, the Zen Librarian pointed to the 'No Smoking' sign overhead, then motioned for the patron to come forward. When the patron arrived at the counter, the Zen Librarian took the cigarette and used it to light the sign before returning it.
As the patron looked up in wonder, the Zen Librarian smiled slightly and added, "What you are looking for is in Fiction."
(Above koan submitted by Kyle Hawke, British Columbia,
Canada)
A storyteller came to the library, hoping to be hired by the Zen Librarian for a performance.
“If you’re interested, I can give the same program twice at a discounted rate,” said the storyteller. The Zen Librarian approved the contract.
After the programs, the storyteller received his check. “This is only half of what you agreed to pay me,” said the storyteller.
The Zen Librarian said, “You told the same stories, but did not gave the same program twice.” The storyteller meekly tore up his check and went away to meditate.
(Above koan submitted by Brady Carlson, New Hampshire, USA)
A student in the library computer room was trying to fix a
computer by turning it off and on. The Zen Librarian told
him that he cannot fix the computer by turning it off and on
with no understanding of what is wrong. The Zen Librarian
then told the student to turn it off and on. The computer
worked fine from that point on.
(Above koan submitted by Mike Hoy, Arizona, USA)
A patron asked the Zen Librarian for a translation of
Sartre's Being and Nothingness. The Zen Librarian
gave her a torn, empty envelope from his wastebasket. Then
he took it back.
(Above koan submitted by Stephen Van Buren, South
Dakota, USA)
"I am completing my thesis on the history of man. Have
you any suggestions on insightful and pertinent reading
material?" asked the scholar.
"Yes," replied the Zen Librarian,
"eat-shit-breathe-dance, and never mind the rest."
(Above koan submitted by Slave Cave, Maryland, USA)
The Zen Librarian was making soup. "More salt?"
asked the student.
The Zen Librarian replied, "A Roth IRA may be superior
to a traditional IRA if one is not going to retire in the
next ten years. Consult your financial advisor."
(Above koan submitted by Anthony Wilson, Kentucky, USA)
A patron was reading a book in the library and heard a loud
meowing of a cat. She went to the Zen Librarian to complain.
"The cat is irritated," said the Zen Librarian.
"Why?" asked the woman. "Because you are
concentrating on him rather than what you are reading."
(Above koan submitted by Bill McKenzie, Illinois, USA)
A woman came into the library and asked, "Do you have
children's books?" "Do you have the mind of a
child?" asked the Zen Librarian. The woman took off her
shoes. "Too intellectual," said the Zen Librarian.
(Above koan submitted by Bill McKenzie, Illinois, USA)
A reader approached the Zen Librarian and asked, "Where
is The Power of Now?" The Zen Librarian replied,
"It's on order."
(Above koan submitted by Brian O'Connor, New York, USA)
A
patron came to the Zen Librarian asking, "Can you show
me how to get articles from the New York Times off the
Internet? I need stuff from the 1930s."
The Zen Librarian pulled out an issue of the NYT Index, set
it out on the reference desk, and began typing along its
edge with both hands, gazing into the space above. After
several minutes, he said, "The page beyond the back
cover and the bit beyond allocated memory are both in your
head. Empty your head."
The patron bowed. "You have enlightened me,
master."
"You do not understand," said the Zen Librarian.
(Above koan submitted by Scott Forschler, Minnesota,
USA)
A patron was drinking in the library. The Zen Librarian noted this, walked up to him, and pointed to the no-drinking sign.
As the patron kept away the bottle, the Zen Librarian took out a bottle of water, removed the no-drinking sign, and drank his
drink.
(Above koan submitted by Brandon Seah KB, Singapore)
.
A student came to the Zen Librarian and said, "I need to see an article in a journal that you do not carry. Can you order it for me?" The Zen Librarian said, "You have not seen the article?" "No", the student said. "Then you don't need
it," the Zen Librarian replied.
(Above koan submitted by G.S., Rhode Island, USA)
S.R. Ranganathan said to the Zen Librarian, "Save the time of the reader, for it is valuable." The Zen Librarian replied, "But the time of the reader is finite; value is not. The reader has no value, hence his time cannot be rescued."
(Above koan submitted by Brandon Seah KB, Singapore)
The library assistant approached the Zen Librarian with a question: "I can't find Thinking Outside the Box -- it's not on the shelf and not checked out." The Zen Librarian replied: "If you can't find the box, think outside the chicken."
(Above koan submitted by James Quinn, Nevada, USA)
Master: Does a dog have Buddha nature? If you answer yes or no, you lose your
own Buddha nature. Does a dog have Buddha nature?
Zen Librarian: Yes and no.
(Above koan submitted by Terry Ballard)
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