Ho, ho, ho! Have you been naughty this year? Then you can forget about Santa
bringing you a ...
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The perfect gift for perfect children!
Look at all the fun that the
moral
kids will have:
Take off Laura's clothes, and she does 12 different poses!
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"I
am
your
kid's
doll!"
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Push Laura's buttons, and she talks:
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"That's not me in those pictures!"
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"That's me in those pictures!"
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"If your mommy works, she's bad!"
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"If your mommy and daddy are getting divorced, they're bad!"
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"If your mommy and daddy practice different religions, at least one of
your parents is bad!"
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"If your mommy and daddy are atheists, they're bad!"
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"Don't go to the library! It's bad!"
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"Eliminate the library budget!"
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"I didn't suggest cutting library funding!"
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"Buy my books, magazine, and other merchandise!"
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... and more!
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Play the "rectal entomology" game -- Race your friends or the clock,
and guess what Laura has a bug up her butt about
now
! (Three bugs included. Additional bugs sold separately.)
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Collect these accessories (each sold separately):
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Career advancement playset (includes ice pick, claws, and co-workers)!
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Bludgeon!
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Tongue sharpener!
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Magic glasses to see stealth pornography in
Big Brother Skateboarding
magazine!
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Moral compass with magnetic wand!
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Laura's son and second husband (pre- and post-conversion husband dolls
available)!
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Laura's mother and sister (may not be available)!
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Pack of lawyers!
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... and more!
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Available at ... well, we're not sure where you can buy this stuff. We were
busy working on a deal with
TOYS "R" US
for distribution of the doll and accessories, but the company mysteriously
pulled out of negotiations.
So don't even bother shopping there.
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In case you haven't figured it out, all toys depicted or described in this
parody are fictitious and non-existent.
We were never involved in negotiations with Toys "R" Us, but you
still should avoid shopping there.
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home page.