A Family-Friendly Notice:

The Truth About National Library Week

Despite the fact that the Harry Potter books draw kids dangerously into the demonic occult, America's libraries have embraced and even pushed them into the hands of innocent children on orders from the pornography-dealing ALA (the godless ACLU in disguise). This year, libraries are planning to proudly declare their true allegiance and agenda, and to further their mission to destroy the fabric of American society and imperil the souls of its youth. Lord knows what's going to happen in libraries after those sodomites in Hollywood release the movie this fall and flood the stores with sick little toys. All concerned parents must become aware of what's happening in the libraries paid for with their own tax dollars! Tell your library board and director that you won't stand for any of this! Please note: National Library Week has been deliberately scheduled to distract people from the joyous and solemn observation of Palm Sunday, which comes immediately after.

Bookmark that all libraries have been ordered to distribute:

National Library Week -- April 1-7, 2001 -- Libraries are places filled with MAGIC!

PARENTS! DON'T LET YOUR LIBRARY PUT THIS IN YOUR CHILDREN'S HANDS!!!

Shocking Library Week activities that libraries are under official orders to promote:
wizard

  • Replace library card application process with midnight sex-and-sacrifice rituals

  • Each day of the week, reveal a new word from the acronym "LIBRARY":
    Lucifer-Inspired Books Recruit America's Righteous Youth

  • Renew and fortify the spell that's been cast on the speech of President Bush

  • In terrarium at youth services desk, replace escaped frog with a difficult board member

  • Children's activity: Make paper voodoo puppets of parents, clergy, Dr. Laura, and other authority figures

  • Add more "Buffy" guides to the collection

  • Configure circulation system to automatically hex patrons who have outstanding fines

  • At storytimes, read all books backwards

  • Topic for teen poetry and art contest: "How I would use magical powers against my parents, clergy, Dr. Laura, and other authority figures"

  • Conjure the spirit of Ranganathan

  • Hold "Internet basics" classes for children

PARENTS! DON'T LET YOUR LIBRARY TELL YOUR CHILDREN THAT WHAT YOU'VE TAUGHT THEM IS WRONG IS RIGHT!!

Family-friendly National Library Week word puzzle:

PARENTS! MAKE LOTS OF COPIES OF THIS GAME AND SECRETLY PLACE THEM THROUGHOUT THE LIBRARY! FIGHT BACK!

Read the clues and fill in the missing letters!

1. It's bad to read Harry Potter and other books that don't say this is evil: M __ __ __ __
2. "Kingdom" amusement park owned by company that turns children into sodomites: __ A __ __ __
3. Sex criminal Pee Wee Herman had this kind of screen in his TV "Playhouse": __ __ G __ __
4. The three Wise Men in the Holy Bible didn't really practice this abomination: __ __ __ I __
5. It's not just a coincidence that this word rhymes with "tragic": __ __ __ __ C
6. Absolutely no good can come of spelling this word with a "K" at the end: __ __ __ __ __

K

 

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Copyright 2001 Brian Smith. Non-commercial distribution of material from The Laughing Librarian is permitted only if the original URL and this copyright notice is included. All commercial distribution is prohibited without written consent of and large cash payments to the author.

The theme of National Library Week 2000 was "Libraries Kick Ass!"