Another Item from The Laughing Librarian's Junk Box

Top 30 would-be-banned children's books

NOTE: To avoid permanent damage to your soul, mind, and body, stop reading this page right now. No one is allowed to look at this list but us. Don't say we didn't warn you.

2003 BBW logo Open Your Mind to a Banned Book; Link to the ALA's Banned Books Week page; http://www.ala.org/bbooks/Judy Blume perfectly summed up the problem with so-called Banned Books Week: "[I]t's not just the books under fire now that worry me. It is the books that will never be written. The books that will never be read. ... As always, young readers will be the real losers." The observance of Banned Books Week completely ignores all the books which haven't been written, which would never be published if anyone wrote them, and which no library would touch with a 4-meter pole if they got published. These are the books which are truly banned, but no one celebrates your right to read them. And young readers are the real losers. Here are the Top 25 Would-Be-Banned Children's Books, in no particular order:

 

  1. Arthur's Cock RingShocked reader
  2. Ramona Quimby, Barely Legal
  3. Richard Scarrey's Best Oral Sex Book Ever
  4. Lilly's Purple PVC Panties
  5. Curious George Goes Pimpin'
  6. Millions of Clits
  7. Sarah, Pierced and Bi
  8. The Buttered Butthole Book
  9. If You Give a Dog a Dildo
  10. Amelia Pedophelia
  11. Hans Tinkler; or, The Golden Showers
  12. Make Way For Fucklings!
  13. Li'l Ho on the Prairie
  14. Frog and Toad Are Shemales
  15. Clifford the Big Red Dong
  16. The Runaway Cunny
  17. Winnie-the-Poo-Fetishist
  18. Sucka Sucka Boom Boom
  19. The Barenstain Bears and Too Much Viagra
  20. The Phantom Peepshowbooth
  21. Superfudgepacker
  22. A Tea Bagging For Frances
  23. Mr. Popper's Penis
  24. The Mysteries of Harris Big-Dick
  25. Madeline Does Sixty-Nine

This list was inspired by the great similarity between titles of children's books and of porn videos. Can you tell the difference? Also, we noticed that there used to be a publication called The X-Rated Children's Books Newsletter.

Disclaimer: Except for the BBW button and link near the top, none of this page's content has been approved, sponsored, created, embraced, or even acknowledged by the American Library Association or any other sponsor of Banned Books Week.

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Copyright 2003 Brian Smith. Non-commercial distribution of material from The Laughing Librarian is permitted only if the original URL and this copyright notice is included. All commercial distribution is prohibited without written consent of and large cash payments to the author.