Story 1: Enkidu Gets Laid(Adapted from Gilgamesh, I and II.) A very long time ago, in a city called Uruk (in the land that's now Iraq), a mighty king named Gilgamesh lived and ruled. He was two parts god and one part human, so he was super-huge and ultra-powerful. Although Gilgamesh was a great leader and did good things for his people, he'd also pull a lot of rude and crude behavior, like popping every girl's cherry on her wedding day.
One day, a young trapper was hunting in the wilderness and saw Enkidu drinking at a waterhole with the animals. Seeing such a muscular, hairy, savage man just scared the shit out the trapper, and when he got home he told his father about Enkidu. "This freak has got to be the strongest man alive," the trapper said, "and he's wrecking my traps and freeing the animals I catch. What can we do?" The father said, "Well, I've heard that King Gilgamesh is the strongest man in the world. Go ask him what to do." So the trapper went to Uruk and told Gilgamesh all about Enkidu. When the trapper finished yammering, Gilgamesh said, "Okay, here's what you do. Go to the temple of the goddess Ishtar and find the slut, er, priestess named Shamhat. Take her out to the wilderness and have her lie around naked and showing pink. Shamhat's gonna take the wild right out of him. The animals out there won't even recognize the guy after she fucks him."
When Enkidu got up to go back with the animals, they ran away from him, and he found that he could no longer run fast enough to catch up. His mind had changed, and for the first time he felt that he needed a friend. He began to understand the words Shamhat was speaking to him, too. She said, "You are so like a god! Come back with me to Uruk and challenge King Gilgamesh. Sure, he's bigger and stronger than you, but you're going to end up buds. And Uruk is just party central, with us temple priestesses ready to lay everyone." Enkidu and Shamhat fucked some more, and soon she put clothes on him and introduced him to human society and human food. The people who met Enkidu couldn't shut up about him being so much like Gilgamesh, with the rock-hard muscles and all. While making love with Shamhat one day, Enkidu got distracted by a guy walking past. The man said he was on his way to a wedding celebration, which would end with Gilgamesh popping the bride's cherry, as he did at every wedding. That really pissed off Enkidu, so he went to the wedding and waited for Gilgamesh. When the king went to go fuck the bride, Enkidu was blocking the way. That really pissed of Gilgamesh, and the two mighty men started fighting, smashing into walls and knocking out doors. After a while, Gilgamesh got Enkidu down on the ground and won. "Man, you deserve to be king," Enkidu said. And Gilgamesh and Enkidu became best friends. More Ancient Stories for Modern Boys
|